On the Morning of Sunday 7th December 1980 my mother brought me into the world at 06:43am. She was 27 years old and already had 2 little boys to welcome us when we returned home. My father, who I haven't heard from in years, was not best pleased. Infact the day my mum told him she was pregnant in the spring of 1980 his response was "Don't tell me, tell you solicitor".. how charming.
On Monday 7th Dec I turn 29. I have no boys waiting at home. My home is empty. My womb is empty. My life is not exactly brimming either.
Whilst I can appreciate the sentiment that others produce when they proclaim "If it happened once it will happen again" I can't help but want to slap them. They tend to forget that it took us 3.5 years to conceive our baby. Yes there's the mystery Chemical Pg last Feb that the (useless) GP wouldn't acknowledge. However the FC consultant thinks differently & believes me when I say I had 5 positive HPT's and bled 2 days later. She's counting it as a pregnancy. However I can't.. I can't accept it. The GP brain washed me.
So Monday 7th Dec I turn 29 - once step shy of the big 3-0. This is not where I hoped I'd be.
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I am so sorry. Remind yourself of the daily blessings that you do have. Try to focus on the positives. Trying to have a baby is not as fun and exciting as everyone claims it to be. Especially after a loss.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are able to find joy in your birthday. I agree with Kara, try and focus on the positives and the blessings in your life. And to all those people who say "If it happened once..." you have all the right/reason to want to slap them!
ReplyDeleteI was 35 when we finally conceived our DS through ICSI. Never give up hope!
ReplyDeleteIt really does get to me too when people just presume I can "pop out another one"!!!
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, darling. My mom had me when she was 28 and also had 2 boys waiting at home, and I felt similar to you when I turned 28. Of course, I wasn't even married and I hadn't been through a loss yet, but I can *somewhat* relate.
ReplyDeleteHang in there and don't give up! Big hugs going your way.
I know how hard birthday's can be. But I hope you still manage to treat yourself well tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteBirthdays, along with Christmas are definitely the hardest times. I really hope you manage to have a good birthday. Do what most of us do, get drunk (although you probably won't be able to because you are working nights). :-(
ReplyDeleteThinking about you.
I' so sorry that you're having a rough day. Wishing you as happy a birthday as you can manage, in the meantime, though. Please take some time out for yourself to do something special! (((HUGS)))
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