The big WHAT IF?

Today I spent 8 hours sat in a small training room surrounded by 7 colleagues (from various locations in the business) studying hard to achieve my Level 4 Food Hygiene. Hard stuff I'm told. I bet it is given it's an intense 5 day course, followed by a 2 hours exam and topped off nicely with 2 assignments - 1x 2000 words and 1x 5000 words. This is a qualification that should I pass I'll be able to deliver level 2 to others. Level 4 is highly recognised in the food industry and I'll be one step from a diploma.

It's 12 years since I sat down to complete my GCSE exams. 12 years since I studied this hard. That year I left high school and after failing to get 1 particular grade that I needed to join further education I had a 4 month 'break' and then got a job.
If I had of gotten my head down a little more in the last year of school instead of trying to win back a certain member of the opposite sex then maybe I'd be in a totally different world right now and I wouldn't be sat in a room with 7 people burrowed in E.Coli, PH levels & Clostridium Botchulinum (not literally.. boy would that be messy)
I like to think I'd be doing the job I'd dreamed of since I was a young girl. Policing RAF bases in the UK and potentially travelling the world.. sigh.

When I got my GCSE results I remember being with 'N'. We were 16 and were both about to embark on a 2 year study fest to get to where we wanted to be. Me, a police office in the RAF and her an accountant (she was always the brainy one.)
I had grown up in the RAF until my folks split in '87. My father and my grandfather on my mothers' side were both in the service and I knew it was what I wanted. I loved - and still do- the buzz, the sense of security, the feeling of pride all servicemen and women must having representing/protecting thier country. Plus I loved jet planes and wanted to be around them constantly.
Anyway, on the day of the results 'N' and I walked to school, pranced into the Design Tech dept where the results were being handed out, grabbed out papers and rapidly tore them open. I rememeber we were so excited at the prospect of spending 2 years together and the possibilities of male company not shared before (other schools joined as one or A levels)
That moment was shattered when I saw my Science score. I got a D. I needed a grade C to enter VI form to do my A levels. My heart sank but I kept a happy face for 'N' when she revealed her near on straight A scores. I was so pleased for her.
My tutor told me I could re sit. I decided that it was not right. I'd had my chance. Someone up there was trying to tell me I'd blown it. Anyway, the thought of sitting my GCSE's and spending an additional year studying without 'N' there was not acceptable so I made the decision to go to work.

So, sitting in the training room this afternoon, freshly stuffed from warm cheese sandwiches and luke warm/soggy crisps laid on by the local baker (good choice should we need to disect something this week) I thought about what I'd be doing now had I have sucked up, been more positive and re sat my GCSE's. It got me asking myself the following questions:

- Would I have actully passed and made it into the RAF as I alway dreamed?

- Would that job of been everything I imagined it to be?

- Would I still of met husband? (we met online by pure chance)

- Would 'N' and I be close still with me travelling here, there and everywhere?

I like to think that the answer to all 4 is yes.

We never know what fate has in store for us but I do know this:

I'm happily married. I have 'N' in my life still. My job role is nowhere near the same as I dreamed but I've got a job and in these economical times it's a good thing.
I've worked damn hard over the last 12 years to get where I am now.

So... 4 more days of intense studying. At least there's plenty of laughs. It makes it all a little easier. I'm off to google Deadly Nightshade. I've a test on it tomorrow.