Parental mis-guidance

I have a somewhat shady relationship with my mother.. as you might be able to tell from previous posts.
Last year she has disclosed that she plans to leave my step-father but these plans have not transpired into anything, instead she sleeps on the sofa each night and groans all day long to anyone who'll listen about how rubbish her life is. I've often told her to get pro-active and bloody well do something about it but she claims she is powerless.
I was never a positive thinking kind of girl when I was young. My glass was always half empty. Assume the worse and anything else is just a bonus, etc. Mum never tried to turn this around, never gave me inspiration to change how I saw life because she was just as negative as me and was too tied up in caring for my younger sister. We never shared typical mother/daughter moments. When my period arrived at 14 she mentioned something about towels and not to store them in the loo incase people saw them (god forbid!). I recall very clearly that I never even got a hug on my wedding day. I was the last one to get the shower and by then it was cold, I changed in my parents' room and she never came to see me. She left to go to the ceremony and all day she was as miserable as sin. She was not the typical happy and belated and proud mother you would normally see butI digress. It's not in her psyche to show this kind of emotion.

Recently, I have spoken to Husband about my fears of turning into my mother. It may not sound like such an issue but I look at my mother now and see how negative, gossipy and emotionless she is and I worry that I'll be similar in 30 years time.
Husband tries to re assure me that our personalities are different, that it's the life mum made for herself that has left her with such a negative aura. He points out that I was nothing like her when we met 10 years ago and living away from my family for the last 8 years has made it even more so.
I have noticed that when I around my family, I seem to have a lot of positivity and I talk to them all but my family are not close, never have been and I can see so clearly that it is our mother who sends out the bad vibes that make get totgethers not so much fun.

My aunt has often remarked that she can see my mother turning into my nan (rest her soul) as nan was very similar. Showed no emotion, good or bad. She won't tell mum though as mum has, like me this fear of turning into her mother.. funny isn't it?


As for my father, well he is a different kettle of fish altogether.

I have still not had any communication from him, regardless of the 2 messages I sent him. I have expressed that although he may still be holding a grudge against me (I told the wicked step-mother how I felt about her.. it didn't go down well) that it is so disappointing that because of this he won't acknowedge his 3rd Grandchild. How sad it is. No contact for 4 years.
I am not particularily bothered if he never speaks to me again but Oliver has done nothing wrong and yet my father spoils the other 2 grandsons and ignores him. How, in years to come do I explain this?
I guess the crunch will come when my eldest brother marries next year. Obviously the whole family will be there and I wonder how my father will react to Oliver. The only consolation here is that Oliver will not be old enough to be emotionally affected by the situation. Me on the other hand........