A few weeks later said friend and I were in the office and she was complaining about the nausea that was still lingering and that the acne her hormones were causing were getting her down. She even said at one point how if she realised how shitty she'd feel being pregnant then she wouldn't of bothered. This little outburst angered me as she knew the struggles and heartbreak husband and I had and were going through.
My response to here and I remembr this clearly was "I'd cut off my left arm to be in your position right now so stop bloody complaining".
So why do I sit here now feeling incredibly sorry for myself and wishing this fatigue and bad mood would just sod off?
"How dare she?" I hear you cry.... quite.
I am constantly tired physically. I am also constantly mentally tired and the afternoon naps are becoming more frequent. It's about this time of day that I would slumber of the sofa for an hour or so and I can feel a nap coming on if I'm honest. The weathermanfinally got the memo that it is indeed British Summer Time and today will hit 26 dc. Whilst I'm normally one for embracing the sun, these last few weeks I'm fed up of it.
I don't feel myself - not in a 'bad mood' way but just out of sorts. Husband has noticed I'm not my usual self but I can't explain it.. really I can't.
The bump is big enough to now become a burden when attempting the following:
- Stroke/play with the dog
- Get out of bed without rolling around like a male seal stranded on a rock
- Pick anything off the floor without "ooooof" "ayeeeee" exiting my mouth
- Climb the stairs. It takes twice as long and I'm slooooooooooooow!
- Eat anything when not based at the table. There go Friday night takeaways whilst watching Total Wipeout
Who the hell am I to complain when I've bitched about all those who have prev complained about the exertions and negative side to pregnancy? I feel like the worlds biggest hypocrite and THAT my friends just makes me feel worse, to the point I actually feel tearful right now as I type.
The nursery walls and skirting are practically finished - I can't reach a certain spot as there are heavy packs of flooring in the way so I wait Husbands' return from work so he can move them in order for me to complete the wall.. that makes me feel shitty too as I wanted it all done by today.
Even my "oh so brilliant, you'll love it" birthing ball is pissing me off. It's just not comfy people! I ache like hell when I get off it (if I can get off without resembling a weeble). I normally use it as foot rest when I'm on the sofa. That is if I can get if from Husbands' clutches as he loves to sit on it whilst shooting some no good lily livered SOB on his new X.box game.
The ONLY thing that makes me smile in the slightest lately is the incredibly powerful kicks yokie posesses. I mean, husband was astonished the other night in bed as Yokie beat seven bells out of my right side for almost an hour. Today we're favouring the left side and I've already threatened to go in there bind his legs together if to give my ribs a little reprieve.
I need some relief to get me out of this rut. '10 weeks' to go isn't enough motivation so it's no good suggesting that!
Whilst I sit and bitch/moan about all that is wrong in my day to day life, dozens of families are mourning the loss of loved ones after a taxi driver randomly gunned down 12 people & injured many more in a quiet corner of the UK on Weds. His motive? unknown but there's speculation he was worrying about going to jail after a £25,000 tax evasion. He shot himself after slaughtering these innocent folk so we may never know the truth but there are many many people in the quiet Cumbrian county unconsolable with grief and shock and here I am, moaning about something I've wanted for the last 5 years.
It sucks.
I hereby give you permission to moan about the less than sunshine and roses moments of pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteJust because it took X years, and Y dollars/pounds with the assistance of medications and doctors doesn't mean our pregnancies are magically any easier than those that started the normal way. (Though wouldn't that be a nice bonus to all the trouble we've been through already?)
Just remember to moan with gratitude. :)
None of the stuff that you're going through is easy. You have the right to feel a little irritated about having to go through it. I like to look at it another way. I think this is your opportunity to alter your way of thinking about other people complaining about their pregnancy pains. Of course, there will always be some people who take it to the extreme and complain WAY too much about their symptoms, but as far as I'm concerned, everyone has a right to complain a little. There are so many wonderful things about pregnancy, but there are also a lot of tough things about it too.
ReplyDeleteOne huge difference is that you would never say it wasn't worth it or you wish you weren't pregnant. As a fellow infertile, I would never think badly about another infertile complaining about pregnancy unless she said she regretted it.
ReplyDeleteAll of us can appreciate what it took to get you there. But in the end, you are pregnant like any one else. You need to enjoy the baby but don't have to like being pregnant. I hope that pregnancy for me wont be too hard and if it is, I will complain about it. Just not to DH, afterall, I would like him to want me to be pregnant again for a second child. :-)
Oh my goodness, I completely forgot about not being able to eat on the couch anymore! Boy was that annoying, I used to get so irritated at my husband for suggesting it when I could hardly even manage *sitting* on the couch.
ReplyDeleteNext comes the stage when you don't groan bending over, you simply refuse to bend over at all anymore. ;)
Complaining is a pregnancy rite of passage, don't feel bad about that!