USELESS: Adj: - having no beneficial use or incapable of functioning usefully
I checked my phone earlier as it had been in my jacket pocket all day and there was a miss call along with an answerphone message. I had a listen, thinking it would be the estate agent who had prev left a message on the home line. I never imagined for one minute I'd hear the following:
"Hi Carolyne this is K**** from the Health Clinic - I'm just calling to see if you can contact us to arrange an appointment at the Ante-Natal clinic asap".
Yes you read right.. she said ANTE-NATAL clinic!!
Now clearly the good folk at the hospital or my GP have decided not to inform the clinic that unfortunately I suffered a miscarriage 5 months ago yesterday. It's good to know the immense national health insurance cost I pay is going somewhere.. just not on a bloody phone or fax machine.
Obviously this call upset me and it was the icing of what has become a bad afternoon. Read on, it gets better!
I think about the baby we would of been having evey single day. I don't think an hour goes by that I don't think about it. How I would be 35 weeks today, how it wouldn't be long til I hold our baby in my arms, how I would be struggling to get my wellies on at work, how I'd be looking forward to my mat leave... it's endless. It's also still raw. I don't think I will ever get over it in a sense that it doesn't make me well up each time I think about it.
So after such a bad day at work yesterday I felt really rough when I got home. My head was pounding and I felt like I wanted to burst into tears at any moment. Now I thought about things during the day (as is the norm) and I must confess it affected my mood (I threw a box of knives on the floor in frustration). However it wasn't until about 10 mins ago whilst thinking about my friend 'N' and that it's her 28th Birthday today that I realised why yest was so tough.
5 months.
5 months since we lost our baby and 5 months since my heart was ripped out. 23rd Sept 2008. I feel so bad for forgetting the date yesterday.
You can understand if I'm a little upset!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I completely understand my friend!! It has been almost 9 months since our little angel went to heaven. I think about it constantly. I am still getting baby mags in the mail and even better.....diaper sample and cans of formula!!! I think there is just no getting away from it some days. You are in my thoughts. Hope this week gets better for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that happened to you. A similar thing happened to me (the ultrasound place never canceled my 18 week ultrasound, so they called to "remind me of my appointment.") It was really hard, and I can certainly empathize with you. That just stinks.
ReplyDelete