Family Unties

When I was 6 years old, my mother decided to leave my father.

I have 2 older brothers who were 8 and 10 at the time and we were unaware of what was happening within my parents marriage. Dad was in the RAF, we had moved a few times due his job but it was a decent life and mum had been raised in RAF herself. They never argued (in front of us anyway) and to say it came as a shock is an understatement. I was so young I didn't understand the concept of seperation and before I could ask questions we were driving 100 miles away to start a new life with mum in a small village in the heart of the English Countryside.

For the next 2 years my mother raised us single handedly. She was very disciplined and it wasn't the most pleasent 2 years of my life I have to say.
I missed my dad terribly and would cry almost each night calling out for him. He would come to see us on the last Sunday of each month as agreed by the the courts when they all sat down. Those few hours we saw him were wonderful. He would take us places and spend money on us which we loved because let's face it, what 7 year old girl doesn't like Mac.D's for lunch, a trip to the beach in the afternoon and toys brought for her?
My brothers, being a little older understood the whole seperation/divorce thing better than me but all I know is I resented my mum for uphauling us away from our prev life and our dad.

2 years down the line, my mum met a man in a pub whilst out with my aunt one evening. I don't really know the ins and outs of who persued who but within 6 months, we were packing our stuff and were moving in with this bloke to a town 20 miles away... (the town I was born in coincidetally) and stayed from this point til 2003 when I moved out.

This bloke became our stepdad in June 1990, 6 months after the birth of my half sister. He had 3 children from a previous marriage who coincidentally were all the same age as myself and my brothers with my eldest brother and his eldest being born on the same day in 1977 - spooky.

Fast forward 20 years and I have recently discovered that my mother has the intentions on leaving this man. My brother and his family visited us yesterday which was lovely but the news they brought was a bitter pill. I wouldn't exactly say I'm surprised but all the same, it was a bit tough to digest.
My mother has not worked since 1993. She claims to have a bad neck that prevents her from working anywhere. My stepdad has worked a very physical job for the last 30 years (scaffolding) and has put all his worth into the home they share, the home I lived in for 15 years.

My mother has long suspected that my stepdad is having an affair. Going through his coat pockets and finding a receipt for 2 lattes when it's common knowledge my stepdad is not the latte in a coffee shop kind of man. He is from a hunting background and spends his days out with the dogs, his guns, his shooting associates etc.
I asked my mum months ago if she had approached him and asked him outright.. the answer was yes and aparently he just laughed. Not the best reaction and it has only fueled her suspicions.
You see, it wouldn't be the first time as he had an affair with his friends' wife in 1999 and although it was traumatic for all of us, mum let it go and they moved on.
Then a year ago she told me that stepdad has a neurological condition that makes him partial to verbally attack folk, make the odd horrid comment etc. Even though I sat there and asked her what she thought 'in sickness and in health' meant in the wedding vows, she doesn't see it as a valid reason to try and work things out. Very disappointing from my point of view. When your partner/spouse is sick, you don't just up and leave saying you can't handle it.

I am confused when mum says he is nasty/vicious as over the years, to me and my siblings, he has mellowed. Even Husband says he is a changed man. From very rarely managing a conversation in the early stages of mine and Husbands' relationship, to now shaking his hand hello each time we visit. They can chat for hours now. My stepdad is great with me and my siblings yet it is mum who claims that he is not this man at all when everyone goes home. Even my younger sister who only moved our 3 months ago denied he acts the way mum claims.

Now I am sat here, 9 month pregnant tomorrow and I really don't know what to think or do because my mum hasn't thought it through. From what she's told me and from the info aquired yesterday, she hasn't any 'plan' as such. She has no money of her own as stepdad provided for her all these years. She has nowhere to go. She is 55 years old and, I may sound very insulting here, she just hasn't a clue HOW to start again and let's be honest here, is 55 an age where you'd want to starting afresh?

I've not heard a dicky bird from my mum since 31st May when we visited. I get that she has a lot on her plate but I've yet to receive a phone call, text, email, ANYTHING asking how I am and how is baby. I have messaged her a few times with updates after scans/MW appts but have yet to receive a reply. This has irritated me given the issues I've had with my pregnancy and if there'a anyone you'd want to hear from at this time, it's your mother.

What doesn't help matters is when she proclaims to my brother that she regrets seperating from our father all those years ago. What the hell?

Husband is concerned that all this thinking about mums' situ is only going to make me feel worse given Yokies' current shenanigans. My blood pressure is already on the up and he is concerned if I get too emotionally (or even physically) involved with the folks' situ then it'll make things worse. He is right, of course he is right but it doesn't stop me thinking.

I guess at the end of the day, I am disappointed that my mum isn't do more to assess the state of their marriage and is just giving up when we all know she'll be right up shit street but it doesn't stop me worrying for her.